Beating a path

To celebrate the anniversary of my first breath, I coerced others into repeating my ride from last Sunday. Only this time, the weather didn't play ball, and as we entered the forest the heavens opened.

I could write endless verbage about how much fun it was, and how truly grubby we got, but I'll let the pictures do the talking.

After we had cleared the forest we rode the gravel road to the Woodhill MTB carpark to nab a coffee, there we were treated to odd looks, bemusement and wonder. But we were grubby and very much alive.

Thanks Mikeal, Doris, Greg and Tony.

Disco Spurs

Sometimes things aren't quite what they are supposed to be.

I went for a ride with a bunch the other morning, I hadn't ridden with this particular bunch before this morning. I did know a couple of the riders and thought it would be good.

Wrong.

The riders are all sensible, upstanding citizens, successful in their lives and generally nice chaps, but as a mass, on bikes they aren't. They disobeyed almost all the central tennents of bunch riding and committed some sins so grave that I will not ride with them again. I will have a chat when I get a chance, but at this stage it's just a case of me venting anger.

The sins, where do I start? Half-wheeling, rolling red-lights, doing that dreadful turn into a side road to avoid a red-light before doing a u-turn and popping out past the lights, failing to wait for dropped members of the group, failing to point out BIG holes, failing to look after ALL members of the bunch.

The only bright side to this ride is that most of the roads are quiet and traffic free, but sooner or later there will be an accident or incident that will have consequences.

Twice riders were left unaccounted for. The first time I waited, and waited for an unaccounted for pair at the top of a climb. The bunch just rode off. After waiting three minutes I rode on, eventually catching the bunch again, who had continued undeterred. Two climbs on, one of the unaccounted for pair was found at the top of that particular climb. He'd taken a short-cut, but had told nobody.

The second time was worse, and because of the nature of the event, it angered me immensely. On a descent, at approximately 45kph, with the bunch in twos and threes, one of the front riders failed to point out a very large pothole. The following rider rode into it, there was a load bang. I was off to one side at the time, as the bunch slowed and regrouped a little round the corner with the road flattening out, I started drifting back. One of the back riders said that the rider who had hit the hole had punctured. I turned and rode back. The bunch didn't stop, ask or wait, they carried on unabated. What if the rider involved and broken his frame, bent a rim, or worse?

What if, in the earlier case of the unaccounted for riders, one of them had had an accident? Been stung by a bee and suffered an anaphylatic reaction? Had a heart attack? An asthma attack? Where would aid have been?

To me, this is completely unacceptable, and again highlights the need for a bunch riding education.

Bunch riding is social and competitive, but has a large degree of responsibility with it. Remember that, also read this missive if you haven't already (or send it to those who you think will benefit) - Avoid The Clown

It's time to change those terrible habits.

Dopplegangers

Today I did what everybody does at a moment of boredom, no Jorge, I didn't chase ovine interests around, I googled my name.

What did I discover? Well, spelt correctly, there is an army of me, scary in dimension, plus a few places dotted around the globe. So, purely of the people here's a sample.

One is an author, from wikipedia:-

Stuart Hill worked at a car factory for 6 years before going back to college to get his teaching degree. After teaching for several years, his life led him to create books that would impact the 21st Century. Stuart began writing the Icemark Series and once his books were accepted by Chicken House publishing Inc., he dedicated his time to writing the rest of the series. In 2004, Stuart published and copyrightedThe Cry of the Icemark.

His love for words came when he was only seven years old. Stuart saw and began to play with words because they gave him an interest in which any other person would find insane.

Another is a sailor of sorts and a fruitbat (truth be told he is my favourite Stuart Hill and the one well worth reading about), from wikipedia:-

Mr Hill gained the name “Captain Calamity” after he caused 5 lifeboat launches and 2 rescue helicopter call outs during a failed attempt to single-handedly circumnavigate Britain in a “15-foot (4.6 m) dinghy” during 2001. His vessel "Maximum Exposure", a “converted rowing boat” “likened to a glorified sailboard” with a sail "canibalized" from a windsurfing board was considered by many, including the Coastguard and RNLI to be under equipped and “unfit” for such a journey.

Louis Rivett-Carnac, of the Great Yarmouth coastguard said

"This type of craft is totally unsuitable for what he wanted to do. Even if you were Francis Drake you would have trouble in a craft like that."

Also on the same Stuart Hill

On 14 April 2009 Hill wrote a letter to the Shetland News website claiming that he had installed "devices" in the waters surrounding Forewick Holm "that can hole the hull of any boat and others [devices] designed to foul propellers."

Then there's Stuart Hill, Professor of Social Ecology at the Hawksbury Campus of the University of Western Sydney.

Not to be confused with Stuart Hill Photography, your professional photography source for the National Capitol Region! Let us photograph your special event.

Or Stuart Hill is a metal worker specializing in the forging and fabrication of traditional ironwork. From “Mountain Rustic” to “French Chateau”, the works of Stuart Hill are truly custom pieces of traditional craftsmanship.

Also is Stuart Hill, 36 year old, cruise ship restaurant manager, who has spent 14 years managing restaurants with over 200 service staff all over the world. Currently working from home, in the South of Spain. Sheltering from the heat, and writing his web site cruise-with-stu

Another is appearing every Tuesday night at a local Tandoori restuarant in Arlington Virginia. Stuart Hill plays the relaxing, meditative music of the Native American Indian flute. Stuart believes that the flute is an instrument that truly allows a person to portray their heart and soul.

What variety!

Maybe I should start a club, but I'm thinking first I need to improve myself a little and have some esoteric hobby that will be a point of difference. Toad-sexing maybe?

Enough frivolity, yesterday I rode with the Albany seven o'clock group, as always it was well behaved, safe and a damn good time. It is a bunch that has run for a longtime, and most of the faces have changed, but the attitude and etiquette hasn't. It's a great loop, with a few challenges, some fast stuff and pretty roads.

Well worth the early start and I have promised myself that it won't be quite so long between visits.

Screwed Corvette

Collected assorted and random thoughts. In no special order here's a cranial dump that's overdue.

This week has already had two nights of convivial company, plenty of food and wine. Well worthwhile in making the world a better place, and further embedding my view that community is far more important than most people care to recognise. Community, not a physical, singular spot but the enriching, caring, philosophising, burden sharing, humour dispensing place that we all require. The food and wine were a small blot in my carcass reduction programme. Thankfully the set screw I stuck in the dial of the scales is holding fast and my belt is fibbing. A small price to pay.

Sunday's ride was quite special, Huia return through French Bay, Laingholm, then out to be broken on the roads. The day was perfect for it, the company excellent and the pain dished out, sublime. Although the low flying, then waddling ducks on the descent down to French Bay were an interesting sideshow before the climbing fest. As always, the end of the seal at Little Huia provides a great place to pause and reflect, and yet again the scenery didn't disappoint. It's incredible that one can be less than thirty kilometres from downtown Auckland and it's a completely different world. Sleepy, rural, historic, almost forgotten, it's a place of magic.

Not far from there, on the treacherous Manukau Bar, in 1863 New Zealand's worst maritime disaster occurred. HMS Orpheus, a Royal Navy corvette on route to delivery supplies for troops engaged in the New Zealand Land Wars, hit the bar, foundered and sank. Out of a complement of 259, 189 crew died. The graves of some of the unknown can still be visited in the regenerating forest on the back of the Cornwallis Peninsula.

I'm pestering the Domestic Tyrant to get me a pass for Fashion Week. She has outfitted the Air NZ VIP lounge, and tomorrow I'm off to photograph that for her, but come the real deal, when models and celebrity will stride the room, sit on the chairs, lie on the beds, and I'm most likely to be banished. This is most unsporting behaviour from her. Just a little charity, that's all I suggest it is.

Mikeal, he of onanistic pride, and I are going to ride from Tapu over to Coroglen return next weekend. He will be on his cyclocross rig, and I will ride my road bike. Partly out of sheer perversity I'm going to ride the road bike, just to show that it can be done, plus I want to make him whimper when we do get back on tarseal. I am looking forward to the long, steep metal sections and giant, mature kauri.

On that note, I'm heading back to continue nagging about Fashion Week.

Sunday's Huia profile.

The Pequod

Call me Ishmael.

I was recruited into a band of three riders to set out for a riding encounter with some hills and grades in the verdant Waitakeres. I will attempt to recount the full comedic horror of bearing witness to the self sought destruction of the usual Author of this Blog, who for the purposes of this narrative will be known as Captain Ahab, at the hands of The Crocodile.

At the appointed hour, our vessel, the three of us, like a short-manned ship, sailed forth. Captain Ahab was still stinking from a night spent well in his cups, full of bluster and a will to impose his route upon the Crew. The passage chosen and the course was set. We traversed the bike path and Crows Road peacefully, uneventfully with little sign of The Captain's crapulous state of health.

On Wairere Road, as the road pointed skyward I, Ishmael, and The Crocodile left the grunting Captain Ahab lurching lonely and rudderless in our wake, The Crocodile continued to talk, not grunt out single words as he rode the grade, no, he proffered fully formed sentences in a conversational manner. This lop-sided chat continued up the climb, while the Captain drifted increasingly further rearward.

We stopped at the top of that skyward passage, before the plunge down the Duffy Road precipice, there Captain Ahab rejoined us gasping, red-faced and still smelling like the bottom of freshly drained barrel. After a rapid descent down to Te Henga Road, we, as a three man vessel again, faced the challenge of the Bethalls Quarry.

The Captain hung grimly to our wheels as the road ground upwards, but for only a short time, mind. His tenure as a member the crew of our vessel was terminated with the effortless pace from The Crocodile, who was now being reborn in the mind of the foul Captain as the author of his inner pain and suffering, veritably his own private Great White Whale, Moby Dick.

On the second ramp of the climb, The Crocodile continued with his infernal pace, without a trace of exersion. This required that I abate my rate of climb to preserve my diginity. Adjusted, I continued to climb steadily and quickly. The Captain, dragging an anchor, was lost from view. Eventually the triumvirate reformed when Captain Ahab appeared on the crest of the hill, to rejoin the rested and waiting crew.

On the next climb, Christian Road, the pace was civil and within the capability of the mentally deteriorating Captain. It was on the next climb, Coulter Road, that the Captain decided strike out at his nemesis, his fellow crew mate, who he now viewed as Moby Dick. The Captain set upon the climb with gusto, riding a pace that was madness given his less than devastating climbing prowess, The Crocodile and I hung there with him. After a short interval The Captain imploded, his legs and lungs betraying his unhinged mind and he was left, desolate as we continued apace.

After an indeterminate wait, the rapid plunge down Vineyard Road, we then we approached Forest Hill Road as a group, to tackle the final climb of the day. We climbed together bound as a crew, but as the final ramps were upon us The Crocodile set a steady, but not unreasonable, pace at their onset. His pace was like a flick from the flukes of the Great White Whale, destroying the Captain and his madness, sending him plummeting into a deep, private hell and a slow simpering death on those final dreadful ramps. I was left in the middle, watching The Crocodile glide away, while the Captain was left destroyed.

This be a recounting of last Sunday's ride written as the imagined voice of Junior, who was present, and who was the narrator for this tale of hubris and destruction.

This Sunday we are going to tackle a similar route, The Heart of Darkness this time, maybe?

The horror, the horror...

We've all seen Bonanza

So, here's my take on event riding and a few dos and don'ts.
First up a definition of what I mean by event. I'm talking fun rides/events, like Round Taupo, K2, Le Race. Yes, these events all have a race component, but that's not what I'm referring to. Specifically, what I want to discuss, is the part of the event that is open to all punters, you don't need a cycling license to enter and most riders are riding for participation and/or a goal time. This is what the great majority of riders take part in.

Without getting into semantics, it's not a race, but there is an element of racing present.

So onto my list of dos and don'ts.

The dos.

Do make sure that your gear is up to the task. That your gears shift properly, your tires are in good condition, you have the appropriate gearing, that everything is properly tightened and affixed to your bike.

The gear shifting one is important, every event has crashes or near misses because when the bunch hits the hill, some one shifts big ring to small ring, and Voila! the chain goes all the way across to the cogless bottom bracket. The rider spins frantically, if lucky they can catch the chain again by upshifting, if not they wobble to a halt. Both outcomes cause mayhem in the bunch. Get your front derailleur limit screws set and, if needs be, get a dog fang or similar.

Tires, there's a whole can of worms. Two stories to labour the point. First one was the year of the first K2. That year it started in Coromandel, we were staying just past Kereta, about twenty kilometres in and after the first two climbs. The Tribe were out on the side of the road outside the house to wave and cheer. Various bunches came through, then a slightly panic stricken rider appeared and stopped to ask The Tribe if they had a spare tube. He was riding a newish pair of the ultralight Vittoria clinchers, tires that are fast and light, suitable for TTs and smooth roads. Excellent tires with a specific purpose, not mass start, long distance, bad road events. On the terrible Coromandel chip he had suffered two flats in that short time and had just copped a third. His luck was in, in the back of the car was not only a couple of spare tubes and a track pump, but also a spare tyre that I'd taken that was ideal for the day. He changed tire and tube, left a more confident man and rode on to finish the day. After the event we caught up and swapped tires back. He was grateful.

The other story concerns last years K2, a friend was providing neutral support, he is a pro mechanic and equipped for everything. On the start line he heard the bang of a tire exploding, it was a tubular, sees the rider concerned try to use a can of Pitstop to seal the veritable gash. Latex and goo just ejects out of the gash, sprays over various other assorted riders nearby. Mechanic gets there and takes the wheel, gives the rider a clincher that he can start on, and sets about the repair of the tire. The tire in question, had seen better days, was down to the casing in places and was a disaster waiting to happen. Possibly for the rider involved, lucky it was on the start line that it decided to commit seppuku and not on one of the ripping descents. Less happy were the gooey innocents.

Correct gearing, yeah that's me, a shell of a man, trying to climb three kilometres of ugliness with only a 39*23. That produced a thousand yard stare and a helluva a lot of drool.

Making sure things are affixed to your bike, I'm still amazed by the riders who like to throw their pumps away mid event. Never mind that riding over the damn things is treacherous.

Do make sure that you are in the bunch that meets your ability. Be pragmatic and realistic, that way you'll have a truckload more fun, a better ride and finish with a grin, not a grimace.

Do obey the road rules and the organisers rules. You are not above everybody else. Those rules are there for everyone's safety, including the general public who might be lurking about, they do have a right to be on the roads also.

Do train with others prior to the event, learn to ride in a bunch, learn to lap, learn to eat and drink on a bike.

Do eat regularly on the day and drink, it works.

Do have fun and share the time with your fellow riders, you are all in the same boat, and working together is how you get around the course in a good time. If the bunch is lapping it out, make sure that you follow through for your lap, that you're are steady as you lap and point out hazards. If you are too tired to join in the lapping, stay out of the pace line and ride on the back of the bunch. Tell the riders who are rotating that you are sitting on, and stay out of their way. Nothing wrecks a paceline faster than a rider who gets tangled up in it, realises that they are going to face the wind, so drifts off or just sits there, frustrating plus for all involved.

Do thank the course marshalls, most of them are volunteers, without them, most of these events wouldn't exist.

The Don'ts

Don't litter. Don't drop your food wrappers, put them back in your pocket.

Don't ride off and leave the fallen. If there is a crash, stop and make sure that the injured are ok, if they aren't, provide help.

Don't have a support vehicle following you. The riders who have support vehicles are special needs cases, I believe that most of them should be lined up against a wall and beaten with the chopped up remains of their bikes. There is ample support on course with events that you can survive, and have a good day out. A supporting vehicle just adds to traffic congestion, plus provides another opportunity for crashes.

Last year's horrific crash in the K2 which left a rider seriously injured was due to some remarkably stupid driving from a rider's support vehicle. Never mind that the rules stated NO support vehicles, this particular rider and his tame racing driver were wearing their asshats that day and decided that the rules didn't apply to them. Net result, a very badly injured rider, a lot of finger pointing at local bogans and heartache for the organisers. To add insult to injury the rider, and driver involved, didn't then do the right thing and admit responsibility. It was left to the organisers to drag them out and disqualify them. If I'd had anything to do with it, they would have been made to do all the housework, care and day to day living requirements for the injured rider and his family, then be tarred and feathered and made to climb on the podium at every subsequent event and explain how selfish and stupid they were.

That was not an isolated incident of selfishness, I've seen them all, from gormless drivers driving alongside the bunch yelling "Go Johnny, I love you!", to a family who launched a supporting daughter on her own bike, at regular intervals, into the bunch to provision her proud father, who was riding the event. She would wobble in, hand over supplies and wobble out, to be collected by the mothership and taken up the road for the next sortie.

Just don't do it.

Lastly, don't be the clown.

Do the right thing, be considerate and have fun.

Lest anyone think I am picking on the K2, I'm not, the examples I have laid out occur in all events, they aren't unique to K2. At K2, like all events, the organisers do a superb job, almost all the riders are great and a real pleasure to ride with and it's a fantastic day out.

Caveat Canis

Recently, on my usual pre-dawn loop it was wet and I suffered a puncture. 5:30am, wet, cool, dark and I have a deflating back tyre, nice. I should add that up until about a month ago I had been puncture free since the start of October 2008, but then I started talking about it, and have now suffered a couple.

This time it was down by the Tank Farm, so a light industrial area, and I stopped under a street light. As I started to effect the repair a chap came out from one of the lit buildings there, asked if I was okay, if I had a spare tube, etc, then stood and chatted to me while I changed the tube. He also had a torch, with which he helped me find the offending piece of glass that had caused the puncture.
His appearance and company turned what would have been a small opportunity for practising cursing into a pleasant conversation.

This incident, a couple of recent conversations and also the positive response to Avoid The Clown, has given me food for thought.

In riding bikes we are part of a large community, but we don't often function as a community and, too often, ignore our fellow members.

When I started riding and racing I pretty much knew everyone who rode a road bike and would wave and say "gidday" when ever we passed, bunch riding was part of a regular club activity and the laws of the bunch were passed on through admonishment for transgressions. I remember being told gently, yelled at and counselled after for various transgressions. Quickly I learnt, as did most others.
Now, most people who ride are never part of a club, have never raced and have little or no desire to. That's fine, it's great seeing so many people riding bikes. The issue is that most people now ride with others who have never ridden for a club, have never had some grumpy old codger yelling "Hold the wheel" or similar at them. They have simply jumped on a bike and enjoyed the freedom.

Unfortunately they also have missed all the experience and accumulated wisdom that is handed out, and a lot of the vital safety and social parts of riding are missing also. The greater issue is that the behaviours that they have learnt from their riding companions are often flawed and can be dangerous. Put these riders all together and add some competitive spirit and it's a recipe for disaster.

Additionally, and importantly, the greater community aspect of cycling is disappearing. What I am referring to is the friendly wave, the check to see if the rider stopped on the side of the road is okay, the simple shared companionship of a stranger.

On the first point, waving, I'm as guilty as anyone else on the waterfront, I do make an effort to say gidday to anyone who is riding in the same direction as me and passes me or I pass them, but I'm slack about the wave. Off the waterfront and out in the wider environs I do wave. Not a big arm pumping, flailing gesture, just a hand raise of acknowledgement.

I always make a point of asking people if they are okay when they are stopped, ninety-nine percent of the time they are, but you never know. I have saved a chap from a long and painful walk home after he'd used up his two spare tubes and had no cell phone or cash, one day that could be me.
Lastly, if someone does hop onto the back of your bunch, say gidday to them, acknowledge them.

I firmly believe adding these behaviours to all rides and riders does make the world a little better.

Lastly before anyone accuses me of wanting to turn the clock back, or being rose-tinted about the past, I do know that some of the more arcane rules of cycling (thankfully gone) were just plain silly. Wanting to race with socks other than white? DNS
Swearing in the bunch? $5 fine, thank you. ( It was my right to tell the squatter who sprinted us home in a handicap race just what I thought of him and his parentage as we crossed the finish line)

Avoid the clown

Now for something serious and sensible. This subject is a bit of a hobby horse for me.

As any of you who ride with me for any length of time learn that I love riding in a bunch, can be bossy, like to know where I'm going, am interested in safety and general enjoyment and that I don't have a great deal of time for riding in traffic or busy roads.

The bunch ride is a great way to cover miles easily, enjoy some company, meet other riders and improve your riding. It’s a great leveller of abilities meaning that a vast range of talents and fitness can ride and train together enjoyably.

What is important is that in any bunch ride there are a number of explicit (stated and known) and implicit (taken for granted) rules. Explicit rules are things like the route, start time, pace, regrouping points, etc.

The implicit rules apply to all riders and every bunch ride and should be obeyed at all times. They are part courtesy and part safety, they are what enable a bunch to act as a single cohesive unit.

These implicit rules are:

1. Half wheeling – This is where one rider in the lead pair rides consistently with their brakehood, handlebar, front wheel or, worst case, bike ahead of the other rider they are supposed to be riding beside. Don’t do it! Simple as that, it’s rude and inconsiderate, you should ride with brakehoods level with your paired partner. If they are struggling to match your pace, ease up and ride at theirs.

2. Consideration to other road users – This is a no brainer, but it constantly amazes me how many riders fail to show any consideration for other road users. If it’s a busy/narrow road ride single file to allow traffic to pass. Holding up other road users will only infuriate them and make them less likely to display any consideration for cyclists in future. There is also a duty for the riders at the back of the bunch to inform the riders forward of them when there is a car or truck behind waiting to get past. Particularly on narrow or winding roads calling out alerts others in the bunch and everyone can move to single file easing the passing maneuvere for the motorist. The bunch can reform once the vehicle has passed. Remember it’s SHARE the road.

3. Road rules – Obey them. If you’re on the front of the bunch don’t tow the bunch through orange/red lights, do stop at pedestrian crossings.

4. Pairing up – Always pair up with another rider, don’t sit riding as a single in the middle of a bunch. All this does is mean that one of the following pair of riders gets no benefit from the draft. Once a bunch has started, usually the reformation happens after a climb. If you find yourself unpaired either move forward if you can see another unpaired rider or drift to the outside and back of the bunch. Don’t be afraid to ride beside someone you don’t know, say gidday, they won’t bite. Also don't ride 3 abreast, sillier than a bum full of smarties.

5. Pointing out hazards – There is an obligation for riders at the front to point out hazards on the road (potholes, gravel, glass, etc). At the very least pointing out the hazard is the minimum, this should also be passed down the bunch. It is a remarkably unpleasant experience to be riding along and have your front wheel disappear into a pothole. At best you’ll get a wrist snapping jolt, worst can be a crash. Pointing out glass on the road can save the aggravation of punctures. If you do ride into glass, don't serve suddenly, ride through it - a puncture is small cheese to crashing, bringing others down and the associated bark loss.

6. Bunch safety (aerobars and rocket launcher bottle holders) – Anyone who knows me knows that I would rather wear knee high walk socks than fit these to my bike, but some riders to have valid reasons for using them and training with them. So if you’re one of those riders a couple of valid points, don’t ride your aerobars in the bunch, use them when it’s your turn on the front (if you have to use them remember the half wheel and pointing out hazards rules). If you have rocket launcher bottle cages make sure that they can hold their bottles and that you can get the bottle back in with ease. A dropped bottle can easily lead to a crash for following riders.

7. Flat tyres/ mechanicals/ mishaps – These all happen, the bunch should stop and, where appropriate, lend a hand. Riders also have a responsibility to ensure that their bike is reliable, they have decent tyres on in good condition and they have spare tubes. Going for the mileage record for tyre wear is not a practise that should be part of bunch rides, the constant punctures that are part of such attempts will lose you riding partners faster than BO and Tourettes.

8. Choose a bunch that matches your ability – nothing is worse than the café racer who wrecks a ride by riding at a pace that shreds the bunch and leaves a trail of gasping victims. Don't be that clown.

9. If you are the route planner for the bunch, you are responsible for everyone's safety, choose your routes carefully, avoid areas of conflict with other road users as much as possible. Generally speaking there are a variety of roads available to ride on , and some of them will be a helluva a lot safer than others. Choose them, they are more fun to ride, safer and a lot less stressful.

By using these simple rules the bunch will be an enjoyable, fun place to be and don’t be afraid to remind other riders of these rules and their obligations to others in the bunch.